For a long time, I wondered why my mother did not love me the way I needed her to.
I tried to build a relationship with her, but somehow, I always felt criticized, unseen, or not enough. No matter what I did, there always seemed to be fault placed on me. And for years, I carried that pain quietly, believing maybe I was the problem.
Then one day, something changed.
I stopped asking, “Why doesn’t she love me the way I deserve?” And I started asking, “Why have I never loved myself enough to stop chasing validation from people unwilling to give it?”
That question changed my life.
As I grew older and became more self-aware, I started realizing that some people live with unresolved pain for so long that they unintentionally pass it down. Maybe my mother never healed from her own trauma. Maybe I reminded her too much of my father. Maybe she projected her pain onto me because she never learned how to process her own.
And while I cannot change her choices, I finally realized something important:
Her inability to love me properly was never a reflection of my worth.
It was a reflection of her unresolved wounds.
That realization freed me.
I began searching for knowledge, healing, and understanding. I wanted to know why I kept choosing unhealthy relationships. Why I accepted less than I deserved. Why I kept looking for love in places that only repeated my pain.
And then I realized something powerful:
I had been conditioned to see myself through someone else’s eyes.
As Black women, many of us are taught survival before self-love. We are taught to endure before we are taught to heal. We are taught to nurture everyone else before we ever nurture ourselves.
And sometimes, we lose ourselves trying to become everything for everybody else.
My mother always told me that finding another man would make me happy. But eventually, I stopped listening to outside voices and started listening to my own.
Her path was her path. But it was not mine.
To become whole as a woman, I had to finally ask myself: “What do I want?” “What brings me peace?” “What kind of life do I truly desire?”
And the more I searched for answers, the more I discovered myself.
I realized I had spent so much of my life adapting to other people’s expectations that I never truly got to know LaTrice.
But healing introduced me to her.
The more I learned about myself, the happier I became. The more I chose myself, the more peace I found. The more self-aware I became, the less approval I needed from others.
Now I understand this:
It is okay to choose a different path. It is okay to break generational cycles. It is okay to heal differently. It is okay to walk away from what no longer serves your spirit.
Black women deserve softness. We deserve healing. We deserve peace. We deserve prosperity. We deserve to become whole without apologizing for it.
Choosing yourself is not selfish. It is necessary.
And sometimes becoming whole means finally hearing your own voice louder than the voices that tried to define you.
Choose your own path. Search for answers for YOU. Become the woman YOU want to be.
Because you deserve better. And most importantly… You deserve yourself.
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