There comes a moment in life when you realize you’re not who you used to be—and that’s a good thing. For me, that realization became crystal clear when my husband and I decided to part ways. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was a defining one. It showed me just how much I had grown.
Maturity is not about being perfect or never making mistakes. It’s about learning from those choices, growing in discernment, and becoming intentional about how you live, love, and show up in the world—mind, body, and soul.
1. The Courage to Choose Differently
Life is not about being afraid to take chances; it’s about growing wiser through the choices you make.
For many years, I lived according to who I was taught to be. My grandmother raised me in a way that reflected her time, her fears, and her understanding. I was taught to be “good,” quiet, and accommodating. But as I grew in God and in self-awareness, I realized that the version of me she raised—while rooted in love—was no longer my normal.
I had to learn that being a “good woman” does not mean being docile or submissive to the point of losing myself. My true character is not silent compliance. My true character is thoughtful, discerning, strong, compassionate, and willing to negotiate the terms of my life.
Choosing to end a marriage was not a failure. It was a sign of maturity—of knowing what I want, what I need, and what I will no longer tolerate.
2. Maturity of the Mind: Discernment and Independence
Over the last ten years, I’ve connected with many doctors, thinkers, and professionals. I love to research and understand things. I’ve realized that I am not alone in this desire—many people crave deeper understanding. But along the way, I also learned something crucial: it’s not always wise to let people get too familiar with you.
Mental maturity means:
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Knowing who to let close and how far to let them in.
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Understanding that not everyone deserves access to your private world.
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Thinking independently, even while listening to another person’s perspective.
As a woman, being headstrong is often labeled as negative, but in truth, it is a strength. Having a strong mind means you can hold your own opinions, values, and boundaries without being easily swayed or manipulated.
Someone once told me, “Don’t allow a man to play games with your head.” That wisdom stayed with me, not because I heard it for the first time, but because it affirmed what I had already learned in my spirit years ago. Today, I protect my mind. I refuse to be emotionally toyed with, and I refuse to shrink intellectually to make someone else feel secure.
3. Maturity of the Body: Presence, Boundaries, and Self-Respect
Maturity of the body isn’t just about physical health; it’s also about how you allow yourself to be treated.
When you grow in self-awareness, you begin to understand that your body is not just something you exist in—it is part of your testimony, your story, and your stewardship. You stop:
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Allowing people to mishandle your physical presence.
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Ignoring the way stress, disrespect, and emotional chaos manifest in your body.
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Sacrificing your well-being to keep the peace in a relationship that is draining you.
Maturity in the body says: “I deserve to feel safe, respected, and honored in every space I enter.” It rejects the idea that love equals suffering, or that loyalty means tolerating mistreatment. It understands that walking away can be a form of self-preservation, not selfishness.
4. Maturity of the Soul: God as the Source of Strength
As I have grown in God, I’ve realized that He is the true source of my strength.
My spiritual growth didn’t just make me “nicer” or more compliant—it made me wiser. It taught me that:
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Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of God in your decisions.
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Discernment is a spiritual gift that protects you from people, environments, and relationships that are not aligned with your purpose.
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You can love people and still say no. You can be compassionate and still set boundaries.
My soul maturity came when I stopped asking, “What will people think?” and started asking, “Is this pleasing to God, and is this healthy for me?”
I no longer see relationships as a place to lose myself. I see them as spaces where two whole people come together to walk in agreement, with mutual respect.
5. Negotiating Relationships, Not Losing Yourself in Them
I now see myself as a negotiator. In any relationship—romantic, professional, or personal—you negotiate:
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The terms of your association
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The expectations you have for one another
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What is acceptable and what is non-negotiable
Life is not about giving someone permission to rewrite your identity. It’s about finding mutual ground where both parties can grow.
To be able to sit across from someone and have a conversation that is not emotionally charged, where both people can listen, understand, and respond thoughtfully—that is where true communication lives. That is emotional, mental, and spiritual maturity in motion.
6. Knowing Your Non-Negotiables
One of the greatest signs of growth is knowing your non-negotiables.
Maturity says:
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“I know what is acceptable and what is not.”
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“I know what I bring to the table, and I will not discount myself.”
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“I can love you, but I will not abandon myself to keep you.”
Any relationship—friendship, partnership, or marriage—requires mutual respect, discernment, and maturity. If those three elements are missing, the relationship becomes lopsided, and one person will always be shrinking for the other to feel big.
7. Becoming the Best Version of Yourself
My journey has been one of unlearning and relearning. I had to release the version of me I was conditioned to be and grow into the woman God designed me to become.
Becoming the best version of yourself means:
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Allowing yourself to evolve beyond your upbringing.
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Refusing to feel guilty for growing.
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Accepting that outgrowing people, places, and patterns is part of your divine journey.
Maturity of mind, body, and soul is not a destination; it’s a continual walk. It’s the daily choice to honor God, honor yourself, and honor the wisdom that life has taught you.
And from that place of wholeness, you no longer beg to be understood, chosen, or loved. You know your worth. You live your truth. And you invite others to meet you on the solid ground of mutual respect, discernment, and maturity.
I thank Dr. Stephanie Walker, my first lady of Mt. Zion Nashville, for sharing her wisdom with me.
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