There’s a system in parts of the South that doesn’t just tolerate Black women being disrespected—it trains us to accept it as normal.
And one of the most painful truths to say out loud is this: some churches don’t confront that system… they help maintain it. Not every church. Not every pastor. Not every congregation. But enough that the pattern is recognizable, generational, and spiritually dangerous.
Because when a place that claims God’s name uses Scripture to silence you, shame you, or “keep you in your place,” it isn’t shepherding you—it’s conditioning. And science shows conditioning doesn’t just live in your thoughts—it can live in your nervous system and your body.
The “Church Girl” Trap: Spiritual Language Used as a Cage
A tainted system doesn’t need chains when it has conditioning.
So it teaches Black women:
- “Be quiet, be humble, be forgiving… no matter what they do to you.”
- “Cover his sin, protect his image, keep the family together.”
- “Don’t embarrass the church.”
- “Pray about it… but don’t talk about it.”
That’s not holiness. That’s control.
Researchers and safeguarding experts describe spiritual abuse as coercive control in a religious context—using scripture, authority, fear, and community pressure to manipulate, isolate, and silence.
“God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” — 2 Timothy 1:7
Character Assassination: What Happens When a Woman Wakes Up
When a Black woman starts standing up for herself, the system often doesn’t just disagree with her—it tries to stain her:
- “Bitter.” “Fast.” “Unstable.” “Angry.” “Jezebel.”
- Her credibility gets questioned.
- Her story gets rewritten.
- She gets isolated.
- Boundaries get labeled “rebellion.”
This isn’t just “drama”—it’s stigma and social punishment. Research shows internalized stigma is associated with worse mental health outcomes and symptom severity.
The Science: How Chronic Disrespect Becomes Survival Mode
Chronic stress creates wear-and-tear on the body—what researchers call allostatic load—as stress systems stay activated over time.
That’s why many Black women aren’t “too sensitive.” They’re over-adapted to danger:
- hypervigilance
- shutdown/freeze responses
- people-pleasing as protection
- silence as a survival skill
And the tragedy is: the same survival responses that helped you endure can later be used to label you “unstable,” “combative,” or “uncooperative.”
Where the Criminal Justice System Enters the Tainted System
Here’s the part many people don’t want to admit: in too many places, the criminal justice system doesn’t protect Black women—it manages them.
It turns survival into suspicion.
1) When calling for help can lead to you being arrested
In intimate partner violence cases, police responses sometimes include dual arrest (arresting both parties) or misidentifying the survivor as the “primary aggressor.” A federally supported study examined dual arrest in intimate partner cases and its consequences.
So the message becomes: “If you call, you might pay.” And that fear keeps women trapped.
2) “Criminalized survivors” and the punishment of self-defense
Human rights and advocacy reporting describes how survivors can be arrested for defending themselves or their children, or coerced into illegal acts by abusers—then punished by the system as if the violence happened in a vacuum.
That’s not justice. That’s a trap with paperwork.
3) Over-policing + poverty pipelines
Many incarcerated women are in the system for low-level offenses tied to survival, instability, or coercion—drug, property, probation/parole violations—often before they’ve even been convicted (high pretrial detention).
And this isn’t race-neutral. The Sentencing Project reports that in 2023, Black women’s imprisonment rate was higher than white women’s.
4) The system’s “label” follows you everywhere
Once your name gets tied to “criminal,” it affects:
- employment checks
- housing eligibility
- child custody disputes
- credibility in court
- the way police interpret your tone and body language
That’s why “tainting your character” is so powerful: the label becomes a door that opens more harm.
From Disrespect to Exploitation: The Pipeline the System Pretends Not to See
When people convince you that you’re “already ruined,” they expect you to become what they accused you of being.
And the outcomes are predictable:
- sexual exploitation gets normalized
- violence becomes routine
- criminal activity becomes familiar
- young girls learn early that love equals suffering
- self-respect gets mocked as “thinking you’re better”
Public health authorities document the serious mental and physical consequences of violence against women. And research focused on Black women highlights the overlap between victimization and criminalization.
Black Women Taking Power Back: What We Must Teach the Next Generation
We don’t just need inspiration. We need instruction.
- Love yourself out loud.
- Boundaries are biblical.
- Speak up early—before silence becomes a lifestyle.
- Choose community that protects, not performs.
- Teach young Black girls that respect is non-negotiable.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23
Guarding your heart includes guarding your environment, your relationships, your access—and yes, your legal safety.
A system that needs Black women silent to function deserves to be disrupted.
And the first disruption starts when a Black woman looks in the mirror and says: “I will not be conditioned to accept what God never assigned.”
— LaTrice M. Hughes Gift of Discernment (G.O.D.) LLC | Faith Meets Professional Growth
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