In 2019, while in Washington, D.C., I engaged in a conversation that continues to shape how I view human behavior and leadership. The exchange was with a man who taught at the University of Maryland and had once worked in intelligence. What began as a casual conversation evolved into a lesson in the subtle art of observation, psychology, and discernment.
During our discussion, he suggested I consider pursuing a Master’s degree in Behavioral Psychology, noting my attentiveness. The remark carried weight, not only because of his academic background but because of his professional experience. Individuals trained in intelligence work possess heightened abilities to detect patterns, observe details, and evaluate intent. They are skilled at recognizing whether someone poses a threat or carries hidden motives. His recognition suggested that what I had always considered a natural inclination toward attentiveness could be developed into a professional strength.
At that time, I was providing memory care for his mother-in-law, who was living with dementia. The work demanded patience, adaptability, and presence—skills equally relevant in leadership and organizational life. In caregiving, just as in leadership, attentiveness is not passive observation but an active practice of listening, responding, and discerning needs beneath the surface.
What stands out most vividly from that meeting was an unexpected gesture: he reached over and grabbed my wrist. At first, I wondered what he was doing. Then I realized—he was checking my pulse as he asked questions, gauging whether my responses triggered a physiological change. It was a quiet demonstration of how intelligence professionals blend science and instinct to measure truth, much like a human lie detector test.
This moment offers broader lessons for leadership and psychology. Research shows that leaders who demonstrate attentiveness and emotional intelligence foster higher levels of trust and team performance (Goleman, 1995; Boyatzis & McKee, 2005). Similarly, the study of lie detection illustrates how subtle physiological and behavioral cues—pulse changes, microexpressions, or shifts in voice tone—can signal stress or deception (Vrij, 2008). While polygraph testing remains controversial, the principle is clear: truth and deception often manifest in the body before they are spoken aloud.
In leadership contexts, discernment involves integrating both hard data and soft observation. Scholars note that effective leaders rely on “adaptive capacity,” the ability to make judgments based on incomplete information, balancing measurable evidence with intuition (Heifetz, Linsky, & Grashow, 2009). Attentiveness, therefore, is not simply about catching deception; it is about perceiving authenticity, understanding unspoken needs, and making decisions that build resilience within organizations.
The University of Maryland professor’s simple observation—that attentiveness could be the foundation of advanced study and leadership growth—reinforced a powerful truth: those who learn to observe carefully, and discern wisely, are equipped to lead effectively.
References
- Boyatzis, R., & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership: Renewing Yourself and Connecting with Others Through Mindfulness, Hope, and Compassion. Harvard Business School Press.
- Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam Books.
- Heifetz, R., Linsky, M., & Grashow, A. (2009). The Practice of Adaptive Leadership: Tools and Tactics for Changing Your Organization and the World. Harvard Business Press.
- Vrij, A. (2008). Detecting Lies and Deceit: Pitfalls and Opportunities. John Wiley & Sons.
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